I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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