i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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