I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You made out with two different species that night
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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