Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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