Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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