I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
