My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
