I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Is this like a preordered booty call?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
