I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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