My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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