Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
