spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
