She is in my trunk
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
