Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
