I puked a lego.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
