lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
