I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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