I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
