Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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