I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
