Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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