so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
