She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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