yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
