We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
