I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Let's get the cat blown out
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
