I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
