Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
