im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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