your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
