Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
