i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
