so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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