He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
