then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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