Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
