This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
