we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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