Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
