took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize