Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
