HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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