please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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