Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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