I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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