So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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