how can u be prego again
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
