Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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