i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
