My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
