he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
