So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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