Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
