soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
