So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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