well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
