You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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