That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
