Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
