time to smoke my breakfast
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
