she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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