Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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