I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
