Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
