he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
